Talking to Your Child About Their Donor Conception Story

One of the first questions people ask when they learn I'm a single mom by choice is: "What will you tell your child?"

The short answer is: the truth. The longer answer is that truth-telling is a practice, not a single conversation, and it starts much earlier than most people expect.

Starting Early

The consensus among experts in donor conception is clear: start talking about your child's origin story from the very beginning. Even before they can understand the words.

I started telling my daughter her story when she was a newborn. Not because she could comprehend it, but because I needed the practice. I needed the words to feel natural in my mouth before the stakes got higher.

The Words I Use

At each age, the story adapts:

Baby to toddler: "Mommy wanted you so, so much. A kind helper called a donor helped mommy make you. And here you are — my favorite person."

Preschool: "Most families have different stories about how they started. In our family, Mommy really wanted a baby. A donor shared something special called sperm that helped you start growing in Mommy's tummy. Not every family has a daddy at home, and that's okay. Our family is you and me, and all the people who love us."

Early elementary: More detail about the biology, introduced gradually, answering questions as they come. Books help enormously here.

Resources That Helped

A few books that have been invaluable:

The Pea That Was Me by Kimberly Kluger-Bell

What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg

The Kangaroo Pouch by Sarah Phillips Pellet

The Questions I'm Preparing For

I know harder questions are coming. "Why don't I have a dad?" "Can I meet my donor?" "Do I have siblings?"

I don't have perfect answers yet. But I'm committed to meeting each question with honesty, age-appropriate context, and the unwavering message that our family was built with extraordinary intention and love.

That's the part of the story I never want my daughter to wonder about.