Building Your Village as a Solo Mom
You don't have to do this alone — and you shouldn't try to
"It takes a village" is a phrase that gets tossed around so often it's almost lost its meaning. But when you're a single parent, you feel its truth in your bones.
My village didn't appear fully formed. I built it deliberately, sometimes awkwardly, over months and years. Here's how.
Start Before the Baby Arrives
This was the best advice I received and almost didn't follow. When you're pregnant or in the adoption process, it's tempting to focus entirely on preparation — the nursery, the gear, the logistics. But investing in relationships during this time pays dividends you can't imagine yet.
I joined a local SMC group while I was still trying to conceive. Some of those women are now the people I'd call at 3 a.m., and they'd answer.
The Circles of Support
I think of my village in concentric circles:
Inner circle: The two or three people who have a key to my apartment and know where the diapers are. My sister. My best friend. My neighbor who became family.
Middle circle: The broader community of friends, fellow SMC moms, and family members who show up regularly. Playdate friends. The parent from daycare who always asks how I'm doing and means it.
Outer circle: The professionals and services that keep our lives running. My pediatrician. My therapist. The babysitter who texts me photos when I'm out. The grocery delivery service I am not embarrassed to rely on.
Asking for Help
I used to be terrible at asking for help. Solo motherhood cured me of that, or at least it's working on it.
Here's the reframe that changed everything for me: asking for help isn't admitting failure. It's modeling healthy interdependence for my child. Someday they'll need to ask for help too, and I want them to know how.
The Unexpected Village Members
Some of the most important people in our village are ones I never would have predicted. The retired woman next door who adores babies. A college friend I'd lost touch with who reached out when she saw my pregnancy announcement. The parents I met in a sleep training class who became our weekend adventure crew.
Stay open. Your village will surprise you.
